What Type of Airplane Sleeper Are You?

In Stories
Originally written by Shivani Alura for SparkLife

It’s almost officially summer, and the travel season is starting to ramp up. Family vacations have been planned and packed for, and you’re ready to see the world. Whether you’re taking a glamorous tour of the Carribean’s finer beaches or visiting your grandparents in Milwaukee, you’ll probably be hopping a plane to get there. Plane travel provides plenty of great weirdo-watching, but perhaps the funniest are the plane sleepers. If you spot all ten of these on board your flight, you’ll know you’ve hit the comedy jackpot:

1. The Drooler. Really good at falling into a deep sleep, not so great at controlling salivary action, the Drooler can sleep in any moving vehicle. On planes she’ll pass out the instant the cabin door is locked, and proceed to catatonically slobber over everything. She’ll wake up shocked and horrified, hoping nobody’s noticed she’s wearing a bib-shaped sweat puddle. Try to avoid sitting in her splash zone.

2. The Spooner. This person looks totally normal, right up until the moment he passes out. At that point, he begins to subject the poor passenger beside him to hours of upright snuggling. This heat-seeking cuddle missile is a really great plane mate (if he’s hot, young, and good-smelling), or a really terrible one (oh, so many enforced snuggling can go wrong).

3. The “That’s gotta hurt.” This traveler is all angles, making you wonder if she moonlights as a Cirque du Soleil performer. Between takeoff and landing, she will perform a contortionist show, somehow managing to fall and stay asleep with her legs pinned up, neck flopping at a dangerous angle, and arms bent like safety pins.

4. The Walking Skymall. If there’s a gadget designed to make plane naps easier, you better believe this guy has it. Everything from electric neck pillows to blankets that double as all-weather ponchos will make an appearance. The more desperate the Skymall Sleeper gets, the more stuff he’ll whip out, slowly taking over any inch of vacated space in his vicinity.

5. The Couple. Once unconscious, this happy pair becomes one multi-limbed monster, all wrapped up in a pile of tiny airline blankets. Pray that you don’t have the window seat next to them. And if you do, just pray that you don’t have to go to the bathroom while in the air.

6. The Macgyver. Like a high-tech, high-flying hobo, the Macgyver’s creativity knows no bounds. He can make a pillow and blanket out of anything and make it look comfortable—everything from newspapers to padded headphones becomes a snooze accessory. Try not to get too jealous when he wakes up completely refreshed by the end of the flight.

7. The Neurotic. This person is straight-up crazy. The stress of flying is just too much for her to handle, and she’ll spend the majority of her time in the air shaking with fear. Even if she does fall asleep, the slightest nudge or bit of turbulence will wake her right up, leaving her internally screaming (internally if you’re lucky) for the rest of the ride.

8. The Melatonin Overdose. A common sight on red-eye flights to anywhere, this traveler will be out cold the minute his butt hits the chair. Nothing can shake him awake, not turbulence nor drink carts nor his plane hitting the tarmac at his destination. Groggy and always unpleasant, he’s the natural enemy to flight attendants who just want him to put his seat back upright.

9. The Boy Scout. The best person to sit next to on a plane. Like his namesake, this guy is prepared for everything, including you. Forgot your earplugs? He has extras. Wish you had a blanket? He’ll lend you one of his. Headphones busted? He’s got you covered. All hail the Boy Scout!

10. The Insomniac. This person tries so. HARD. to get a little shuteye, but it’s not happening. Some people just aren’t meant to sleep on planes. Whatever the cause, this girl is wide awake and she hates it, and therefore she hates her seat mate, and therefore you should do your best to sleep through it if you ever find yourself stuck with her!

What kind of plane sleeper are you?

This article first appeared on Sparklife.

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