Funniest Kid Quotes About the Ocean Ever

We here at GuideAdvisor love the ocean. Many of the staff live within walking distance of the Pacific but will jump at the chance to visit any of the other four, especially if they’re warm. We just can’t get enough of the salty stuff because there’s so much to do: cruising around with a sailboat guide or snorkelling beneath the waves; kayaking with sea otters or fishing for fresh crab; being amazed by the largest mammals on earth during a whale watching tour or hiring a guide and swimming with dolphins. Whatever the ocean-going activity, guaranteed you’re going to enjoy it and learn from it.

Speaking of learning about the ocean, we thought we’d share these hilarious insights written by grade-school children who were asked specific questions about sea-life.

“If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.” (Mike, age 7)


“Oysters’ balls are called pearls.” (Jerry, age 6)


 ”This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.” (Kelly, age 6 )


 ”When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.” (William, age 7)


 ”Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more.” (Kylie, age 6)


 ”My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.” (Millie, age 6)


 ”Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?” (Helen, age 6)


“A dolphin breaths through an a**hole on the top of its head.” (Billy, age 8)


 ”I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write.” (Amy, age 6)


“When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.” (Kevin, age 6)



 ”Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.” (Christopher, age 7)


 ”On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat a**.” (Julie, age 7)


“The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know.” (Bobby, age 6)


 ”Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.” (Becky, age 8)


 ”My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.” (James, age 7)

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