I am a self-proclaimed loser at love. Believe me, it’s so bad many others would proclaim it on my behalf if I didn’t do it first. Pretty much perpetually and perennially single, I don’t think of it as a bad thing at all…. at least usually. I mean no one who is “coupled up” has anywhere near as much free time for total self-indulgence as I do, and I really am typically pretty jazzed that the only person I need to please in life is me. I’m easy! And oddly, unlike most boyfriends I’ve had, I rarely if ever annoy me. Go figure.

But then February arrives, the dreaded Valentine’s Day approaches and the media-hype-machine slash advertising blitz that surrounds this ridiculous annual event kicks into high gear. And I start to feel at least some slight societal pressure to get on someone’s love radar and quick.  

If you can relate, I’ve got good news for you. With much practice under my belt, here are 4 of the best tried and true tips for loveless losers on Valentine’s Day.

Now this is not something that any psychiatrist, psychologist or even one of those low-rent strip mall counsellors would suggest…  but who cares. They probably all have dates for Valentine’s Day.

I know for a fact that shovelling your cake hole full of edible delights is a fantastic way to stuff any and all feelings of loneliness and loserhood way down deep – where they won’t bother you again until this time next year. Also, there is a significant body of evidence that suggests that eating chocolate makes you feel just like being in love – due to the non-sexy sounding triple threat of phenylethylamine, serotonin, and tryptophan. So chow down on the good and dark stuff and you’ll be feeling fine in no time.

If you book a food tour or a chocolate tour for V-day – you may even meet up with other sad sacks just like me. Misery does love company, and with all the good eats we won’t be miserable for long.

Now again, the experts probably won’t be on my side for this one either, and they’d probably even go as far as to say that it’s a completely bad idea because alcohol is known to be a depressant. But who are you going to believe? Someone with a wall full of medical licenses and formal credentials, or someone who’s been in the trenches for a decade or two of solo Valentine’s Days. So go ahead and pick your V-Day poison. Whiskey? Scotch? Or you could go straight to the mother of oh so many shameful occasions – Tequila! The bonus here is if you start early enough, you’ll probably be lights out by 8 pm.

You could also take this whole idea on the road by joining in on a wine, beer or spirits tour with other like-minded and empty hearted souls.

Bring your dried up husk of a heart back to life the fastest way possible – a good old adrenaline injection by way of epic adventure.

Try paragliding, mountain biking, climbing, or skydiving. You could even go shark cage diving in great white territory. Adventure guides worldwide can introduce you safely to whatever might float your boat, and getting your blood pumping through that underused organ will do you a world of good!

Unless of course you’ve already taken us up on tip #3 – then maybe you should just go lie down instead.

So you left it a little late this year to secure yourself an epic plan for this blasted day, but fret not. You can achieve stellar V-Day success this year if you spend it planning how you will not wind up in this same sad little boat next year. Better still – if you creatively combine tips 4 and 3 with this activity – you may end up having your best Valentine’s Day to date, with an even better strategy for next year.

Tip #1 is how this year on February 14th you will find me unlocking the mysteries of Cambodia with two of my BFF’s and ignoring the western world altogether. Not a Hallmark card in sight. Namaste!

So whatever the day brings  - remember, we love you… even if no one else does. Turn up your headphones and drink it in.

What’s your best tip for a solo Valentine’s Day?

If you liked this, you should check out 6 Epic Tips For Vacation Romance and Off Beat Valentine’s Day Ideas For Travelers